Monday, December 14, 2009

Big Daddy Silvio

I don't know how closely any of you follow European politics but if you don't you are missing out. To wit: Silvio Berlusconi the Italian PM. To put if mildly he likes the ladies. He is 73 years old and married but that has not stopped him laying down game at every opportunity. And since power is the greatest aphrodisiac and he's not picky, he and Tiger seem to share a type, opportunities abound. He makes Mattress Jack Kennedy look like a cloistered monk. He is regularly papped cavorting with barely legal tupperware temptresses abroad one of his yachts or at one of his many villas. And granted, the Italians appreciate amore in a much different way than we puritanical Americans do, but damn! There isn't even any uproar about his seemingly regularly scheduled shenanigans.

My favorite Silvio anecdote, and that is saying something because the choices are as endless as his tan, happened last week at the Climate Change Summit. Big Daddy was there with the other world leaders, and let me remind you, he is one himself. I guess he got fuck ass bored, and really, who can blame him. Listening to some front man for the Illuminati blathering on about polar ice caps or some shit. So instead of at least looking serious and like he was paying attention (Gordon Brown I'm looking at you) he decided to make some doodles. And pass them around to THE OTHER WORLD LEADERS. Just emphasizing that this was a gathering of some of the most powerful people in the world and not 8th grade detention. He doodled different kinds of panties and labeled it "Women's Knickers Through the Ages." And I think he's seem them all at some point or another because I wear women's knickers and I am a woman but I didn't know that women in ancient Egypt wore a sort of loin cloth thing for their knickers for instance. But Big Daddy knew that shit and drew the evolution from ancient Egypt right up to our modern day thong, with which he is probably well aquainted.

This awesome story was somewhat overshadowed by Big Daddy being punched out by some fun hater a few days later but I think it is worthy of attention. Don't let the haters win Big Daddy Silvio. Maybe when you get out of the hospital you can give Foxy Knoxy (google her if you aren't familiar) a presidential pardon and the two of you can bust out your Friday night moves and hit it hard core. It would be a crime if this does not happen.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sexiest Men and Beaujolais Nouveau

Disclaimer: I don't read or buy PM but I do read Dlisted which is a really mean and funny blog and that's where I got the info. But because it makes me feel intellectually insecure knowing anything about 99% of celebrities, I'd like to point out I am currently reading a book about Guy Fawkes and the Gun Powder Plot to make my smart person bona fides. Thanks.

People Magazine put out their annual list of the sexiest men. All the usual bland, overexposed, non-threatening in a feminine sort of way, suspects.

Johnny Depp-I guess I can sign off on him but the pic they used makes him look like an aging lesbian.
Robert Pattinson-looks like he smells so I wouldn't fuck him with any of your hootie hoos if the Detroit Lions were behind me pushing.
Ryan Reynolds-eyes are too close together making him vaguely short bus looking.
A bunch of other people I couldn't really give a shit about.

Now let me give you my list of who I'd do hot and dirty.

Vladimir Putin-First of all, I like blondes. Secondly he was the head of the KGB. He has ways of making you talk which obviously translates into knowing ways to make you scream. He looks dangerous, is he going to kiss you or kill you? Honestly, what's hotter than that?

Morrissey-Last week at this time I didn't even know who he was and now he's #2 on my hot piece of sexy list. Hot when he was young and in The Smiths, hotter now that he's older and solo. He looks more masculine now. If you don't belive me youtube him singing Jack the Ripper live. Swoooon! And he loves Oscar Wilde. Standing in front of Oscar Wilde's grave in Paris genuflecting is as close as I am able to have to a religious experience so it seems important.

Alan Rickman-If you know who this is at all, you know his as Professor Snape. But back in the day he played Valmont from Dangerous Liasons on Broadway, one of the sexiest male characters in literature. And HIS VOICE! Ooooh, like melted chocolate.

Daniel Craig-Undeniably hot as James Bond, outside of that role, not as hot. And with that god awful mustache he has for the play he's doing I have to amend this to Daniel Craig as James Bond and not really DC as DG.

Bryan and I have an agreement. Should the opportunity to have sex with anyone on this list present itself, it's my obligation to do so and in no way will it be considered cheating. He has a list too but it's shorter. Just Phoebe Cates and Maggie Gylennhal who I think is fug but he loved her in Secretary.

So that's my list. Who's on yours'?

The Beaujolais Nouveau 2009's are out. This is my favorite day of November. BN aren't really complex and not dry enough for my usual taste but I like the notion of it. The eagerly anticipated world wide event sort of feel to it. And it's super cheap, like $9 a bottle. Chateau Margeux it's not but for $9 if you don't like it you can pour it down the sink.

Happy drinking!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Kwame Kilpatrick is the former mayor of Detroit, a much maligned city that I love and will always love. He and this whole sorry mess has a long, but fascinating back story. Net net, he was removed from office and went to jail. Got out, moved to Texas and was ordered, under a plea deal to which he agreed, to pay the city restitution. Six grand a month. He unilaterraly decided to pay $6 a month instead. Got hauled back into court. He has hidden assests and done lots of dirty things with dirty money from dirty people given to him for dirty reasons. The first hearing was last month, adjourned until yesterday, testimony yesterday and today and then adjourned again until Dec 7th because he has a business meeting in Texas.

A long time ago I stopped defending Detroit because it makes me sound like a fool. I have come to see Kwame as pure entertainment, high art. His shenanigans are a cottage industry, Youtube parody songs, coffee cups and t-shirts with his mugshot, great headlines in the two Detroit dailies, etc. I have one of the cups. He's a joke, a bad one and frankly one the city deserves as they voted for him twice and after the first term it was pretty clear what he was about. But he was "the hip hop mayor, the maya playa (his affair with his COS a big component of all this), Yawl's Boy" (as his equally crooked Congresssman mother famously callled him) and the D loves big personalities.

But that these hearings on whether or not he violated terms of his probation are something else, something not at all funny. I've been watching them on-line. A completely unprepared ADA and a jugdge who at best seems like an inept subsititute teacher trying and failing to control an unruly class and at worst seems like he's in on the fix. WHY has this clear cut matter been allowed to drag on over three months? Something is rotten in the state of Michigan and this time it's something more than the dead stripper the Kwamster left in his wake. That is a whole seperate issue which will hopefully be brought to light in the fullness of time.

Watching Detroit flounder and fail is worse than watching New Orleans go under. Katrina was an act of nature. This destruction has been wrought by one man while people who should have known better stood by and did nothing. But Detroit isn't being mourned the way NO was, not by anyone other than me.